I have no words. Well…almost. Seriously, after the trailer for Kirk Jones’ What to Expect When You’re Expecting that we showed you last month, I didn’t think it could get worse. Then I saw these posters. Are they photographs or are they cartoons? And as if the current trend toward airbrushing any character or distinction out of the faces of already beautiful people wasn’t bad enough, they’re all clutching their fake baby bumps with beatific smiles on their bland faces. All except JLo, who probably refused to look “fat”. (I'm kidding, her character adopts)

And the captions! I can only assume these are actual lines that these characters are forced to say in the context of the movie. Frankly I’m stunned. I said I stared at the trailer in “slack-jawed wonder”, I have no words for what my expression must have been as I clicked on these posters one by one.

The film is based on the popular non-fiction self-help book by Heidi Murkoff, that has this innocuous plot summary: “A look at the lives of five couples as they prepare to become parents.” Now let’s see what the official synopsis is for this He’s Just Not that Into You/Valentine’s Day/New Year’s Eve celebrity mashup. (It’s like The Loveboat set in a maternity ward.)

Over the moon about starting a family, TV fitness guru Jules (Cameron Diaz) and dance show star Evan (Matthew Morrison) find that their high-octane celebrity lives don't stand a chance against the surprise demands of pregnancy. Baby-crazy author and advocate Wendy (Elizabeth Banks) gets a taste of her own militant mommy advice when pregnancy hormones ravage her body; while Wendy's husband, Gary (Ben Falcone), struggles not to be outdone by his competitive alpha-Dad (Dennis Quaid), who's expecting twins with his much younger trophy wife, Skyler (Brooklyn Decker). {Wait a second…didn’t Quaid just have twins with his trophy wife??} Photographer Holly (Jennifer Lopez) is prepared to travel the globe to adopt a child, but her husband Nate (Rodrigo Santoro) isn't so sure, and tries to quiet his panic by attending a "dudes" support group, where new fathers get to tell it like it really is. {Holly and Nate? JLo and Rodrigo are "Holly" & "Nate"?} And rival food truck chefs Rosie (Anna Kendrick) and Marco's (Chace Crawford) surprise hook-up results in an unexpected quandary: what to do when your first child comes before your first date?

What to Expect When You’re Expecting was written by Shauna Cross (Whip It), Heather Hach (Freaky Friday) and opens May 11 in the US and 18th May in the UK.

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Everything I expected when I first heard there was to be a movie called What to Expect When You’re Expecting has come to pass. I just watched the trailer for Kirk Jones’ (Everybody’s Fine, Nanny McPhee, Waking Ned Devine -  a cv that would suggest better than this) film, based on the popular non-fiction self-help book by Heidi Murkoff, that has this innocuous plot summary: “A look at the lives of five couples as they prepare to become parents.”  Okay that fits. It also fits the synopsis for a documentary, which is what this book deserved, not a He’s Just Not that Into You, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve celebrity mashup. Maybe What to Expect When You’re Expecting is the love child of all of those other films.

I swear I just stared at the screen in slack-jawed wonder. Is it just me? What to Expect When You’re Expecting (an unwieldy title I’m not looking forward to typing until it’s released in May) was written by Shauna Cross (Whip It), Heather Hach (Freaky Friday) and stars Elizabeth Banks, Matthew Morrison, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Anna Kendrick, Rodrigo Santoro, Chace Crawford, Brooklyn Decker, Dennis Quaid Chris Rock (Chris Rock??), Wendy McClendon-Covey etc etc etc (Seriously, the cast list is HUGE). It opens May 11 in the US and 18th May in the UK.

Cameron Diaz hit up Jimmy Fallon to promote Bad Teacher and shared with him that Weed is Awesome! Of course she was only referring to her character in the movie *cough*:

“I’m like, ‘Hold it in, hold it in!’ … Weed is awesome! … that was what my character says, that’s not what I say,”

Her character in the movie Elizabeth Halsey is obsessed with drinking on the job and getting a boob job. This sounds totally a role that Cameron Diaz would suit. Not because she is like that but because she’s hysterical when she plays characters like this.

Recently her ex-boyfriend, and costar Justin Timberlake recently came out and said that he totally smokes weed.

Something tells me this is art imitating life a little bit. Watch the video, it’s pretty funny.

Photo: RadarOnline

Chris Hemsworth Wins!

Remember last week I told you that Universal’s Snow White and the Huntsman had finally found a male lead in Aussie hunk-of-the-month Chris Hemsworth?

Remember how I also mentioned that Relativity had a competing fairy tale themed film coming called The Brothers Grimm: Snow White AND that it would beat Hemsworth and company to the box office gate by about six months?

Well, it seems that Universal, so psyched about finally getting this pic cast, has moved up the release date. The new date for Snow White and the Huntsman is June 1, 2012 with The Brothers Grimm following on June 29, 2012!

So, while it’s Kristen Stewart vs Lily Collins as Snow White and Charlize Theron vs Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen, it’s not exactly Chris Hemsworth vs Armie Hammer since one is playing the titular Huntsman and the other is playing the Prince. (SWATH’s prince is played by Sam Claflin. Who?)

What I find most amusing about this face off is that everyone’s getting all hot and bothered about release dates when not one single frame of either film has actually been shot.

Photo: WENN

Cameron Diaz and Colin Firth in 'Gambit'

This new crime-comedy, Gambit flick stars two of my favorites in Hollywood: Colin Firth (love that accent) and Cameron Diaz…she’s divine.  Anyhow, having these two on the same screen is something new and I am really looking forward to it.

Cameron Diaz and A-Rod Take Relationship To Next Level

In the movie written by Joel and Ethan Coen, Firth plays British art curator Harry Deane, who devises a finely-crafted scheme to con England’s richest man and avid art collector, Lionel Shabandar, (Rickman) into purchasing a fake Monet painting. In order to bait his buyer, he recruits a Texas rodeo queen (Diaz) to cross the pond and pose as a woman whose grandfather liberated the painting at the end of WWII.

They still haven’t given us a release date… but we will let you know as soon as we find out!

Photo: Coming Soon

But yeah, don’t get too excited.  They aren’t that serious yet.  But for them, a new step is a STEP.  Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez had dinner with Cameron’s mom, Billie Diaz at The Lion in New York City on April 6.  They pretty much shut down the place having a meal, drinks, and lots of laughs.

Cameron Diaz ‘Bad Teacher’ Trailer

So far there has been no sign of bling on her ring finger and the house hunting they were caught doing hasn’t turned into anything.  Perhaps they are going to be like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.  No need for the traditional wedding… just partners for life?  If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it kind of thinking?

Photo: Judy Eddy/ WENN