I have no words. Well…almost. Seriously, after the trailer for Kirk Jones’ What to Expect When You’re Expecting that we showed you last month, I didn’t think it could get worse. Then I saw these posters. Are they photographs or are they cartoons? And as if the current trend toward airbrushing any character or distinction out of the faces of already beautiful people wasn’t bad enough, they’re all clutching their fake baby bumps with beatific smiles on their bland faces. All except JLo, who probably refused to look “fat”. (I'm kidding, her character adopts)

And the captions! I can only assume these are actual lines that these characters are forced to say in the context of the movie. Frankly I’m stunned. I said I stared at the trailer in “slack-jawed wonder”, I have no words for what my expression must have been as I clicked on these posters one by one.

The film is based on the popular non-fiction self-help book by Heidi Murkoff, that has this innocuous plot summary: “A look at the lives of five couples as they prepare to become parents.” Now let’s see what the official synopsis is for this He’s Just Not that Into You/Valentine’s Day/New Year’s Eve celebrity mashup. (It’s like The Loveboat set in a maternity ward.)

Over the moon about starting a family, TV fitness guru Jules (Cameron Diaz) and dance show star Evan (Matthew Morrison) find that their high-octane celebrity lives don't stand a chance against the surprise demands of pregnancy. Baby-crazy author and advocate Wendy (Elizabeth Banks) gets a taste of her own militant mommy advice when pregnancy hormones ravage her body; while Wendy's husband, Gary (Ben Falcone), struggles not to be outdone by his competitive alpha-Dad (Dennis Quaid), who's expecting twins with his much younger trophy wife, Skyler (Brooklyn Decker). {Wait a second…didn’t Quaid just have twins with his trophy wife??} Photographer Holly (Jennifer Lopez) is prepared to travel the globe to adopt a child, but her husband Nate (Rodrigo Santoro) isn't so sure, and tries to quiet his panic by attending a "dudes" support group, where new fathers get to tell it like it really is. {Holly and Nate? JLo and Rodrigo are "Holly" & "Nate"?} And rival food truck chefs Rosie (Anna Kendrick) and Marco's (Chace Crawford) surprise hook-up results in an unexpected quandary: what to do when your first child comes before your first date?

What to Expect When You’re Expecting was written by Shauna Cross (Whip It), Heather Hach (Freaky Friday) and opens May 11 in the US and 18th May in the UK.

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Everything I expected when I first heard there was to be a movie called What to Expect When You’re Expecting has come to pass. I just watched the trailer for Kirk Jones’ (Everybody’s Fine, Nanny McPhee, Waking Ned Devine -  a cv that would suggest better than this) film, based on the popular non-fiction self-help book by Heidi Murkoff, that has this innocuous plot summary: “A look at the lives of five couples as they prepare to become parents.”  Okay that fits. It also fits the synopsis for a documentary, which is what this book deserved, not a He’s Just Not that Into You, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve celebrity mashup. Maybe What to Expect When You’re Expecting is the love child of all of those other films.

I swear I just stared at the screen in slack-jawed wonder. Is it just me? What to Expect When You’re Expecting (an unwieldy title I’m not looking forward to typing until it’s released in May) was written by Shauna Cross (Whip It), Heather Hach (Freaky Friday) and stars Elizabeth Banks, Matthew Morrison, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Anna Kendrick, Rodrigo Santoro, Chace Crawford, Brooklyn Decker, Dennis Quaid Chris Rock (Chris Rock??), Wendy McClendon-Covey etc etc etc (Seriously, the cast list is HUGE). It opens May 11 in the US and 18th May in the UK.

Despite going through a tough time in her personal life, it seems Cheryl Cole’s world just keeps getting better and better. Whether she is romancing Dancing With The Stars’ Derek Hough or the Black Eyed Peas‘ Will.i.am I say Cheryl has come out on top.  Glamour thinks so too.  She picked up Woman of The Year at last night’s Glamour Women of The Year Awards in London.

Her dress looks a bit like lingerie but it’s beautiful nonetheless.  And her shoes!! Love her shoes.  She was presented the award by Sex and The City hunky boy Jason Lewis.

Nicole Richie picked up Entrepreneur of the Year Award and Zoe Saldana picked up Film Actress of the Year award.

For a complete list of winners, click here

Pictures after the break

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If the goal of A Night of Fashion & Technology’s event last night was to wear the most hideous outfits one could get their paws on I would say mission accomplished.

With the exception of January Jones, Vanessa Hudgens and Stacey Keibler I have to say I don’t understand the clothes. And by ‘I don’t understand’ I mean I threw up a little in my mouth.

Don’t get me wrong I love these ladies, but when you choose to go out in public dressed like that, you become fair game.  I felt dizzy looking at Eva Longoria’s outfit (except the shoes…I love the shoes).  Does she owe someone a huge favour or something?

I like Victoria Beckham’s outfit with the exception of the ledge in the front.  I don’t understand the purpose of that except to hide a leaf of lettuce for her dinner later. Either that or she has a very large penis.

Attending the event:

• Anna Kendrick
• Ashlee Wentz
• Catt Sadler
• Jessica Simpson
• Jessica Stroup
• Katharine McPhee
• Krysten Ritter
• Rashida Jones
• Rosario Dawson
• Selma Blair
• Tony Parker

Pictures after the break

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One of my favourite actresses Kate Winslet poses with Colin Firth (who I must say is growing on me in recent days) and it looks to be a mutual admiration society of these two.  Colin Firth won for Leading Actor in A Single Man.

Kathryn Bigelow’s The Hurt Locker cleaned up at the BAFTAs with six wins including Best Picture and Director beating out ex-husband James Cameron for Avatar (which btw I saw it this weekend for the first time and it is as great as everyone says it is). Cameron has been very vocal about his support for his ex-wife which is fabulous. This, of course only adds to the Oscar buzz considering she has won a Producers Guild Award, Critics Choice Award, Writers Guild Award and a Director’s Guild Award in various categories for The Hurt Locker.

Also attending the BAFTAs:

• Robert Pattinson
• James Cameron
• Vanessa Redgrave
• Kristen Stewart
• Claire Danes
• Carey Mulligan
• Joanathan Rhys Meyers
• Anna Kendrick
• Saoirse Ronan
• Matt Dillon
• Gabourey Sidibe
• Tom Ford
• Quentin Tarantino
• Audrey Tautou
• Kristin Scott Thomas
• Mickey Rourke
• Christoph Waltz
• Vera Farmiga

Pictures and Winners’ list after the break

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Last night the 16th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards took place in Los Angeles honouring your favourite movies and television voted for by members of SAG.

I just love the gowns that these women wear and to me there were three that really stood out:  Christina Applegate, Holly Hunter and of course Helen Mirren.   I don’t know that the picture does justice to Helen’s dress because when she walked out on stage she was absolutely breathtaking.

Tons of stars on the red carpet:

• Steve Carrell
• Jon Hamm
• Colin Farrell
• Matthew Morrison
• Julie Louis-Dreyfus
• Sandra Bullock
• Mariah Carey
• Adam Lambert
• Jeff Bridges
• Sigourney Weaver
• Sophia Loren
• Meryl Streep
• Dianna Agron
• Kate Hudson
• Jenna Fischer
• Diane Kruger
• Justin Timberlake
• Kyra Sedgwick
• Kevin Bacon
• Toni Collette
• Penelope Cruz
• Quentin Tarantino
• Anna Paquin
• Sofia Vergara
• Anna Kendrick

Lots of pictures after the break

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