Insert laugh here. Levi Johnston believes that almost mother-in-law Sarah Palin had a 'Cougar Crush' on him. Keep in mind he never thought that until his publisher told him she had one. This guy is a genius. Looking back:

"Even growing up my friends would always say that [Palin would flirt with him], it seems kind of weird. Then one of my publishers said she had a cougar crush on me!"

"I guess I'd say, 'Yeah, I think she did.' Now looking back and remembering what everyone said. She never touched me or anything like that! Now it kind of weirds me out thinking about it," he says.

Clearly Levi thinks for himself, no?

Me: Hey Levi, that's a lovely vagina you have there.

Levi: Really? I thought it was a penis?

Me: No, it's a vagina. I'm certain of it.

Levi: Yeah, I guess you're right. Looking back it makes sense. A lot of people called me a pussy so it must be a vagina.

Idiot.

Nobody was interested in seeing his junk in Playgirl, so Levi Johnston is hoping to win people over with his words. Levi is set to write a family tell all that will shed light on his time with the Palins. As you know, Levi is the baby daddy Tripp, the child he fathered with Bristol Palin. And we all know how Bristol’s momma is, right?

I suspect it will either be a very short story or will come with lovely pictures he coloured himself with his pack of crayons. I would suggest he jacked them from his son, but I don’t think he sees his son much.

Bristol Palin Offered Radio Co-Hosting Job In Phoenix

Bristol Plain Buys Home. Pays CASH

Touchstone Publishers is releasing the book this fall, aptly entitled Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs. Levi’s intentions are nothing short of pure as he states:

“I want to tell the truth about my close relationship with the Palins,” Johnston, 20, says in a statement released by his publisher. “My sense of Sarah and my perplexing fall from grace – how I feel and what I’ve learned.”

Johnston adds: “I’m doing this for me, for my boy Tripp and for the country.”

Sure you are. I can’t imagine anything he writes about Sarah Palin shocking the country at this point. Who knows though, right? She may be a dominatrix for all we know.

Would you read this book?

Yes.  You read that headline correctly.  The infamous Levi Johnston, wannbe baby daddy to Britstol Palin, has a little sister, Mercede Johnston (photo below) getting all naked for Playboy.  I guess she’s trying to show up Levi since when he did Playgirl, he didn’t go “all the way.”  She is 18 by the way.

Bristol Palin’s Thoughts on Levi Johnston’s New Girlfriend

“We’re told Mercede will do what her brother didn’t — and show it all!” RumorFix reports.

Mercede has her own blog where she airs the dirty laundry of her family and Bristol.  One entry said,

“She and Levi were sexually active and trying to conceive a child,” Mercede wrote. “As hard as it is for many of you to believe, they were indeed TRYING. It was NOT an accident!”

Well she sounds like a stable, down to earth person.  Right! Why on earth should Playboy pay her to get naked?  Can they do no better?

Photo: WENN, Huff Post

Bristol Palin is off the market!  She’s got a new boyfriend, but we don’t know much about him or what he looks like.  He’s 20-years-old and is a pipeline worker from Alaska.  That sounds hot enough….

Bristol made an appearance on KWHL’s The Bob & Mark Show Friday and that’s where she was cornered into spilling the beans on her new love life.

Bristol Palin Offered Radio Co-Hosting Job In Phoenix

The hosts suggested that she answer the love life questions with:

“I’m seeing a guy and he’s really great and Tripp loves him and we’re having a really good time and we’re really good friends.”

Bristol replied,

“Yeah, we can go with that,” said Palin, who recently moved into a new five-bedroom home in Maricopa, Arizona. “I’m thrilled. I love the town that I live in. I love my house. Tripp’s happy; he’s healthy.”

That’s not all either.  Bristol really wants to change Tripp’s last name to Palin and be done with Levi Johnston for good.

“Yeah, I’ve asked Levi to do it many different times, just get it out of the way, just sign over his parental rights, but I don’t know if he will or if he wants to right now,” she said, adding that she’s willing to live without his child-support payments. “I’ve asked him to do that many times – just say, ‘Hey, look, let’s just avoid this custody case that’s been ongoing since Tripp was born just get it over with just sign over your rights.’”

He should sign his rights over.  He’s not at all ready to be a dad and he should open the door for a good guy to be a loving, active father to Tripp.

Photo: WENN

Levi Johnston has a new girlfriend and he’s even confirmed it with his Facebook status, so is must be serious. “gag”  So who’s the new girl?  Her name is Sunny Oglesby and she’s all of 19 years old.  They’ve been together for two months now.  She is from Oregon, but now lives in Wasilla and works at a daycare.

Bristol Palin Came To Her Senses: She Dumped Levi Johnston

Bristol Palin Sets Margaret Cho Straight. Figureatively Speaking Of Course

Levi’s baby mama, Bristol Palin shared her thoughts on his new girlfriend with E!,

“I have to be happy for Levi’s new relationship,” Palin, 19, said. “Because it sounds like his new girlfriend is influencing him to want to actually spend time with Tripp.  I sincerely appreciate her influence because he hasn’t asked to see Tripp in over five months, so I’m happy for this new development!”

Well that’s really sad that it took a person working in daycare to inspire a guy to visit his one year old son.  What a jerk.

Photos: Facebook, WENN

What’s a good season of Dancing With The Stars without some juicy rumors and showmances?  The center of the gossip this week is Mark Ballas.  The super cute and oh so sweet pro dancer has been showing a whole lotta chemistry with his partner, Bristol Palin on and off the dance floor.  He’s always very touchy feely with her and she soaks it up like a dry sponge.  So… if things are heating up for Mark and Bristol, why was he out to dinner with ‘So You Think You Dance’s‘ Jeanine Mason?!

Derek Hough & Others Strut Their Stuff To Rehearsals [PHOTOS]

This pair was spotted leaving Mastro’s steakhouse in Los Angeles a few night’s ago and that has naturally triggered romantic rumors.  So who’s the right right girl for the sexy Mark Ballas?  I am personally rooting for Bristol.  That girl could use a good man in her life after being drug through the mud by Levi Johnston.  Mark is adorable and sweet.  I’d love to see things take off for them.  If nothing else, Bristol needs a good shag and I believe that Mark would be the perfect candidate for that!

Photos: WENN